Mom's Funeral and memories...

Obituary:

Vickie Church Woodstock entered the spirit world on October 11, 2012 at the age of 56 after a hard-fought battle with leukemia. She was born September 27, 1956 in Cedar City, Utah to Richard LaVon and Ilene LeBaron Church. At the age of five her family moved to Mesa, Arizona where she graduated from Mesa High School and Mesa Community College. While a sophomore in high school Vickie met her sweetheart, Jonathan Gregory Woodstock. After his mission to Canada they married for time and all eternity in the Mesa, Arizona temple on May 20, 1978. Vickie was a constant support to her husband in his work with the LDS Church Educational System.

Vickie and Jon are the parents of six children: Amber (married to Garrett Wastlund), Jamen (married to Krista Turner), Jace, Katie (married to Steve Oliver), Scott (soon to be married to Danielle Schwarz), and Daniel. Her children were her life. She loved them so much and prayed for them every single day. Her grandchildren brought her so much joy and happiness: Kimball, Jaden, Toren, Kody, Ander, Grace, Kai, Spencer, and Taylor. One of her greatest regrets in leaving this life early was that she wouldn't be at the births of Hinckley Victoria (born September 26, 2012) and Roderick, and all her grandchildren yet to come. Grandma will be their guardian angel.
Vickie was a graduate of Brigham Young University and received a Masters of Education from Utah State University. She was an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and held many callings in the auxiliary organizations including, Primary President and Young Women's President. Her last calling in the Cedar Meadows Ward was as Primary chorister. The children loved her as she worked her enthusiastic magic in teaching the children the songs of Zion. She was deeply touched by all the get well cards she received from the children while in the hospital.
Vickie is preceded in death by her father, Richard LaVon Church and her brother-in-law, Edwin Sabin. She dearly loved her mother and her brothers, Richie Church and Greg Church (Somrong), and her sisters, Brenda Sabin, Sallee (and Stewart) Kauwe, and Christina (and Troy) Judd. She loved talking on the phone with her family, sometimes for hours. Her nephews and nieces always held a special place in her heart: Jonathan, Cami, Michael, David, Stephen, Star, Ivan, Matthew, Vernon, Sanoe, Noelani, Adam, Keola, Rebecca, Paula, Gregory, Joseph, Rachel, Samuel, Nathan, and Diana. Family was everything to Vickie Church Woodstock! It is fitting that one of her favorite hymns was "Families Can be Together Forever."
Funeral services will be held on Saturday, October 20, 2012 at 11:00 AM at the Cedar Meadows Ward, 370 N 4050 W, Cedar City, Utah (near Iron Springs Elementary). A visitation will be held on Friday, October 19^th from 6:30-8:00 PM and Saturday October 20^th from 9:30-10:30 AM at the Church.
Interment will be in the Cedar City Cemetery under the direction of Southern Utah Mortuary. 

Mom's funeral was lovely. We had a lot of people come to the viewing and services. We had some people that drove for hours or even flew in to come. It was really touching. The following are the memories from our family that Jamen shared during his portion of the funeral service:

Daniel's Memory

Mom was a good friend. we would discuss everything. But one of my favorite memories is in Brigham city. Mom, Dad, and I would stay up late into the night reading quietly not saying anything. Dad would go to bed because he was and is an old man.

Me and mom would keep reading. After a while mom would turn to me and say, "go to bed."

 I would grunt in reply and tell her to "go to bed." this would go on and on until 1:30 in the morning. I would then start to go to bed, and after getting my pajamas on I would come up stairs and see that she hadn't gone to bed. I would then tell her "Go to bed mom."

She would grunt and say "okay I'm going."

Scott's Memory

My mom was an extraordinary woman that loved her family with all of her heart. Mom would always Always go out of her way to help us succeed and be the best person we can be. I remember mom staying up late into the night reading Harry Potter to me for a book report in class. I remember mom helping me memorize all my lines in all the plays I've ever been in. I remember mom typing the school papers I wrote because she was so much faster at typing and I had procrastinated. I remember her writing a note to my teacher saying she could beat me if I procrastinated on my school work, as long as she didn't leave any visible marks. She was amazing and helped me to be the man I am today. I will always love her and will never forget her. 

Katie's Memory

I sang in choirs all through middle school, high school and college. After every single concert without fail my mom would always make the same 2 comments. First she would say-“That concert was too long.” Second she would say-  “Katie-while you were singing I went through every single row and looked at every single girl and you are by far the most beautiful.”. I would always roll my eyes and say “whatever mom”. But I still loved hearing it. Because I knew in my mom’s eyes, I really was the most beautiful girl. And that’s how it was for all her children. In her eyes we were always the funniest, smartest, most talented person in the room. She truly believed it and helped give us the self-confidence we needed to believe it too, so we could go far in life.

Jace's Memory

Mom was notorious for not remembering our names. One night while playing games, I bet mom that she couldn't go the rest of the night without mixing up one of our names. Not five minutes later she owed me a blackberry shake; our standard wager. However, the most tender memory I have of my mother was in my early life. While sitting next to her in church, I would squeeze as close as I possibly could and hug her upper arm while resting my head on it. Never have I felt more safe and secure as those moments as a small child. 

 Jamen's Memory

I think of all of my parents children I gave my parents the most heartache as a teenager. I remember many times bringing my mother to tears because of my hard heart. Never once during those times when I deserved love the least, did my mother do anything that made me doubt her love for me, and her desire for me to be happy.

Those who know me know that I am very loud and outspoken about my opinions. If you know my mother well you will know that I got this attribute from her. We would often stay up late into the night talking, and exchanging viewpoints. We would both become very animated in the expression of our opinions. On several occasions Dad even got out of bed to ask us to stop arguing. Me and Mom would look at each other bewildered and tell him we were not arguing, but just talking. I loved that about my mom. I always knew she would tell me the truth, and hold nothing back. 

Amber’s Memory

Mom loved people.  I remember coming home after dates and chatting with her into the wee morning hours about everyone and everything.  My friends were often in on those conversations and would even come to her on their own for advice. They lovingly called her “mom Woodstock”. Every time my mom would move to a new area she prayed for one good friend, and she always got it. Holidays were her favorite because the house was filled with the people she loved.  She was one of the first to suggest a card game, and then visit and laugh into the night, often one of the last to leave the table.  She loved to sing, tell stories and engage in discussions. Although she was a busy mother of 6, I cannot remember a time that she was too busy for me. As a grandma she would drop what she was doing to read a book or play a game with one of her grandkids.  Even in her final days on Earth, she would lie in her bed and see all her family out in the family room and try to convince whoever was with her to help her get out of bed so she could go in that room and be a part of all the conversations.  I can only imagine how happy she is to be with her Heavenly family and what conversations she is engaged in now! She will be a constant reminder to me of the most important role of motherhood…to not get caught up in the busyness of life, but to always make time for the ones you love, because those are the moments you can never get back and the memories you will have throughout eternity!  I love you mom!

Memories from Jon Woodstock about his beautiful wife

41 years ago I walked into my high school sophomore English class and fell in love with a tall, beautiful girl with long blonde hair.  Our first date the next year was to our Junior-Senior prom.  We always loved dancing together!

I have tried in vain to think of a single experience I could share that would capture who Vickie Church Woodstock is.

An analogy I thought of was to compare our lives together to a large vessel of water, containing millions of tiny droplets of water.  It would be impossible to hold up just one drop of water and say this represents the whole.

How do I sum up 41 years of knowing and loving someone?  Millions of "tiny droplets" of daily experiences we shared together.  I truly cannot think of just one experience to hold up for you.

But I can describe a little of her character.

I have chosen three words to represent who Vickie Church Woodstock is.  They are the same three attributes that I fell in love with 41 years ago.

The first word is passionate.

Vickie was passionate about everything she did-from teaching primary songs to gathering food storage, clogging, growing flowers in her garden, praying, telling stories to her grandchildren, discussing politics, living the gospel, loving her children.  She was passionate about life!

The second word is faith.

Vickie Woodstock had absolute faith in Heavenly Father and his plan of happiness.  She had tremendous faith in prayer.  She had unwavering faith in me!  She saw my potential long before I did.  One night, at the age of 16, we were sitting in my car in front of her house, waiting for her mother to flip the light switch signaling it was time for Vickie to come in the house.  The topic of our discussion that night was prayer.  I confessed to her that I no longer prayed.  I had joined the church at the age of ten with my mother, but she had since gone inactive.  I found it very easy to follow into inactivity.  I don't remember any one specific thing Vickie told me that night, but I do remember how I felt.  I knew that she knew without a doubt that there was a God in heaven who would hear and answer my prayers.  Whatever she said worked.  I began to pray and attend church again.  I think my children would agree with me in saying, like Helaman's stripling warriors, "We do not doubt our mother knew it!"

The third word that I would use to describe my wife is valiant.

She was, and still is, one of our Heavenly Father's choice, valiant children.  Every calling in the church she ever had, she fulfilled with all her heart, might, mind, and strength.  A few times, when she was so sick, I had to physically restrain her from attending church to fulfill her calling.  That valiance also included her visiting teaching.  Vickie Woodstock was a faithful, caring visiting teacher.  Even her last few months, while she was sick in the hospital, she expressed several times how bad she felt because she couldn't visit her sisters.

Those are just three attributes of Vickie Church Woodstock.  I am sure many of you could think of several more.

Let me conclude by sharing some personal feelings about our marriage relationship.

On May 20, 1978, we knelt at an altar in the Mesa, Arizona, temple and were sealed by priesthood authority as husband and wife for time and all eternity.  I remember my breath was literally taken away, feeling the power and force of that sealing power.

Nine days ago, I held Vickie's hand as she took her last breath.  I suppose some men would have been devastated at such a time in losing their wife.  I did not.  I felt peace.  I believe I felt so because I believe in the power of that sealing 34 1/2 years ago in God's holy temple.  I know that we are still married, and sometime in the not-so-distant future, we will be together again!

Did we have a perfect marriage? No.  We had our disagreements.  Yes, we even yelled at each other sometimes.  But I can honestly tell you, that as I sat next to her the last few hours of her life, I had an overwhelming assurance come over me that when she passed through the veil she would "remember them no more."  She would only remember the good things in our relationship.  And I want you all to know that I had the same comforting feeling wash over me.  I can no longer remember any negative things about her, or our relationship as husband and wife.  I can only remember the good things.  Thus my love for my eternal companion has deepened in a way that I never thought possible.  

Truly God is merciful!

 My dad put pictures all through the room and halls leading up to the room.

 Brothers hanging out during the viewing.

 Children practicing their song for the funeral the next day.

 My mom's siblings, spouses and mother.

 Children and grandchildren.

 Extended family

 Nieces and Nephews

 The Woodstock Children at the  burial.

 One of many old neighbors and friends that made a long trip to come support us.

 Kim Miner-my friend. She was in the primary presidency with me and was currently serving in the primary with the mom.

 Boys putting their boutineers on the casket and saying their last goodbyes.

 All the nephews

Krista took this picture of me while I was holding mom's picture getting ready to leave. She said it was kind of a 3 generation picture.

As a family we also compiled little memories and quirks mom had:

*She loved Trident Cinnamon Gum, caramel corn balls, and coconut anything (especially Almond Joys)

*She was allergic to chocolate, and did not like beef or pork

*She was a great cook unless she lost track of time and burnt the food. (it was about a 50/50 chance)

* If she was chopping things on the cutting board, and you reached in to steal a bite, she would pretend to stab your finger with the knife.  She only got us a couple times.

*She was very creative but not crafty.

*She was frugal.  She would clip coupons and liked a gift even more if she knew you got it on sale.  She would never spend money on herself, but would on others.

*She had a beautiful alto voice and was amazing at her favorite calling as Primary Chorister. She also loved harmonizing to songs.

* She always sang to her children and grandchildren.  Songs like "My mommy said if I'd be good" and "The dummy line" will be passed down for generations.

*When she set her mind to something she would make it happen.  She taught herself to clog and started her own clogging studio.

*She always had dinner on the table and the laundry done.  The house was cluttered with 6 children, but never dirty.

*She was very supportive of my dad and his work.

*She always had a job, even if it was just a paper route.

*She would engage in "discussions" with her kids until late at night, at which point dad would come out and say "stop arguing".  Mom would always respond "we are not arguing we're having a discussion".  And we really were, we were just loud.

*She hated having her picture taken and always had to stand in the back.

*She would always drop what she was doing to read a book or play games with her grandkids.  They loved it when she would hum and beat the rhythm of primary songs on their belly as they tried to guess what song it was.  No one could give a back scratch like grandma.

*She hated driving in traffic and unfamiliar cities, and got lost on more than one occasion.

*She had an incredible imagination and would tell her children and grandchildren amazing stories she would make up to go to bed at night.  We always told her she should write a book.

*She loved watching movies but only if they had a "Happily Ever After" ending.  If not, she would say "who would waste their time watching a movie that ended like that!"  She loved "Hallmark" movies. 

* She also loved murder mystery T.V. shows "Murder She Wrote, Monk, Matlock, Columbo...etc."

*She loved to play cards, unless she was sitting next to dad who she swore always stole her cards.  She was also very dramatic. She would complain that she never got anything good and then go down and set us all.

*She made the best bagged Thanksgiving Turkey and next day turkey noodle soup.

*She started the tradition of Christmas Cereal and sparkling cider next to our stockings and a new Christmas ornament every year.

*She was very opinionated and came off as intimidating, but was really the most tender-hearted, sensitive  loving people in the world. 

*She was great at English but a terrible speller.

*She would call her kids "freakazoid" if they were being stupid.  A jerk if she was mad at them, and a jack...(donkey) if she was really mad at them.

*Whenever her kids misbehaved, she told them she would send them to an orphanage.

*She cried the first time she saw Katie drinking caffeine

*She always wore red slippers.

*She was gullible, especially with her boys.

*She loved to visit and would stay up all night chatting.

*She loved books on tape and Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura on talk radio. 
*She liked to look nice, but was low maintenance. 

*Every year on her birthday she would wish for a million dollars.  Then the economy got worse and she upped it to 2 million.

*She was a fierce protector of her children, especially her daughters! When Amber got engaged, mom told Garrett the only reason he wanted to marry his daughter was because he has hot pants. (Still a standing joke in our family)

*She was always looking at house plans and planning for her dream home someday.

*She would always save the wishbone from the Thanksgiving Turkey and wish for a million dollars. 

*Scott remembers her beating them with a broom because she thought they were a cat.

*She loved to read Harry Potter to her boys.

*She could find anything if she prayed for help first. 

*She refused to cut or darken her hair because she insisted her long, blonde hair made her look younger and thinner. 

*She went on the cabbage soup diet at least twice a year, and stunk up the whole house for a week.

*She always wore coconut or vanilla perfume.
*She would make chocolate chip pancakes for Katie and her friends on late start  days at school.
*She was an amazing story teller. 
*Family was everything to her. Her family caused her the greatest sorrow and gave her the greatest joy. 

Love you mom-see ya later. 

2 months

What will probably be 2 of the hardest months of my life:

First- the crazy week:
Aug. 19th: Was asked to stop by the Bishop's office after church. Was called to be the Primary President.
Aug. 20th: Started a new job as an apartment manager for 3 single student housing apartment complexes.
Aug. 22nd: Moved out of our old apartment and into one of the apartment complexes we manage.
Aug. 23rd: Got a call from my dad informing me that MRI results for my mom indicate she probably has cancer.
Aug. 24th: Got the official results that mom had stage 4 acute leukemia and would be headed directly to the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake to start chemo therapy.
Aug. 27th: Steve started school.
(And did I mention I was 7 months pregnant at this point)

Primary:
I have received many blessing from my calling including amazing counselors. I stressed and stressed about this but the Lord inspired me to call 3 amazing ladies that have been a huge support system. But it has been a stress. When I started there were 14 callings we needed filled between teachers, scouts and achievement days. I also had to write the primary program and will probably miss it because the only time we could schedule it is the week after my due date.

New apartment:
2 months later we still are not completely unpacked. I still have baby stuff we need to set up and pictures to hang. But, unlike our last apartment, we have air conditioning, dishwasher, washer and dryer, clean carpets and tile and no musty/moldy smell. Yay!

New job:
The first several weeks were really stressful. Especially just trying to get to know what we are suppose to do, what the owner expects us to do, and dealing with parents...ugh! I can handle students, but whiny parents that expect the same living conditions in single student housing as the Buckingham Palace are the worst. But the couple that use to be managers are in our ward (in fact the girl is my secretary in primary) and they were a huge support system. When they started they had absolutely no help and had to figure everything out themselves, but they were more then willing (and still are) to help us with questions or concerns whenever we need it.

School:
Steve is smart and motivated, but I'm being honest when I say, I help him with a 1/3 of his homework. So even though I'm not going to school...I'm going to school.

My mom: This is going to be the long part and I'm going to rely on my dad's emails to explain the process of my mom. He sent weekly-ish emails with her progress and I'm going to copy and paste parts of those to document her story because I wouldn't do it justice.

Aug. 28th: "The bottom line is she has a rare form of acute leukemia. Acute means it is a very aggressive, fast-growing type of cancer. They said it started in her bone marrow where the blood cells are made. That's what makes it leukemia; it is a cancer of the blood. Unfortunately, the cancer has now spread to her spinal fluid which goes up into the brain. It has also spread to other areas of her body, such as her adrenal glands and on her skin. The "rash" she has had on her chest and breasts for the past 6 weeks is really not a rash at all; they are leukemia cells.

The plan is to give her massive doses of chemotherapy, first, in her IV line to get to the cancer throughout her body, and second, to insert it into her spinal column, to get to the cancer that is in her fluid. All that will start today. She will have another lumbar puncture today, her 5th this summer, where they will insert the chemo. They did that last week in St. George as an experiment and it brought back feeling to her legs and a little movement in her left hand. It is the doctors feeling that she could regain most of her movement in her limbs when the leukemia is killed. The unfortunate part of this, is that it is very painful when the feeling starts coming back. Vickie can't stand to have anything touch her feet right now.

On Thursday, she will have surgery to insert a "port" into the top of her head, so they can "bathe" the chemo down through her spinal fluid, including the fluid that surrounds the brain. Of course one of the side effects of this treatment is that she will lose her hair. Another side effect is nausea, which she is already suffering from because of the leukemia in her brain spinal fluid and all the pain medications she is on.

Overall, the treatment plan is for 4 weeks."

Sept. 9th: "It has been almost 2 weeks since my last update on Vickie, when she was first diagnosed with acute Leukemia with presentation in her spinal fluid. She has finished her first round of chemotherapy through her veins, but continues to recieve chemo into her spinal fluid. They operated on her head about 10 days ago and inserted a "port" under the top of her skull through which they are able to put chemo directly into her spinal fluid.

As you all probably know, chemo is pretty hard on your body. Vickie is pretty weak. Her blood levels are very low, since the chemo kills the good blood while it is killing the bad. We continue to hope that she will regain the use of her arms and hands. The doctors seem to think that once the leukemia has been killed, and is no longer attacking her nerves, her nerves will rebuild themselves and she will be able to regain her strength. We are seeing more strength in her legs, but not her arms yet.

She now has several sores in her mouths, which makes talking difficult. I tell you this for those who try to call or visit...please keep your visits short. She tires very easily.

So...what's next. They are letting her body recover for a few days and then plan to do another bone marrow biopsy. The bone marrow is where the blood is made. This test will tell them if there are still cancer cells attacking her blood. They will then probably start another round of chemotherapy for 7 days through her veins.

By the way, they did another MRI on her brain day before yesterday. It showed that several of the mass lesions in her head had gone away, but there was still one left. So the chemotherapy through her spinal fluid is working."

Sept: 17th: "It’s been such an up and down, and up again week.

Her bone marrow biopsy Tuesday looked pretty good. The cancer was going away. But then the next few days were awful. I thought we were going to lose her.

I guess the effects of the chemotherapy continue for a long time. The main problem right now is that her blood levels are critically low. White blood cells were almost all completely killed off by the chemo, thus she’s under a very high risk of infection. They won’t even let her eat any raw fruits or vegetables! They keep giving her transfusions to give her enough red blood cells to have some energy, but she wears out very fast, and after the least amount of effort.

One of the biggest problem is her platelets. Platelets, of course is what makes our blood clot. Our normal platelet levels are between 150-400 (I think that is in thousands). Anyway, hers has been below 5 all week. Her antibodies keep rejecting the donor platelets they are giving her, and they can’t find a close enough match to give her. She has been getting huge bruises all over her body, and the doctors are most afraid of internal bleeding.

Saturday morning when she woke up she had no idea where she was and was talking about the high school band. I immediately informed the nurse and within 5 minutes a whole team of doctors descended on her room afraid of bleeding on her brain. They rushed her over to the U of U hospital neurology department for detailed scanning on her brain. It showed some swelling around the port they had put in the top of her brain to administer chemo in her spinal fluid, and a little bit of bleeding, but they didn’t seem too concerned, so they sent her back to the Huntsman cancer center. By this time I was an emotional wreck. I was glad four of my children had come up for the weekend. They stayed with her for a few hours while I got away, did some laundry, took a nap, and went to the temple. It was a much needed break.

The other big problem is that she won’t eat anything. The chemo causes a lot of sores in your mouth and digestive tract, plus completely changes your taste buds. Everything tastes disgusting to her. They finally hooked up a second I.V. line into her other arm to “feed her nutrition” through her veins. It looks like a vanilla shake!

Now, the last couple of days she seems improved in energy, and no confusion in thought. Thus the up and down battle continues.

So…I have no clue what’s going to happen. Her next bone marrow is scheduled for Thursday, September 27^th (ironically her birthday!) when they will be able to determine if the first round of chemo will be enough to pronounce her in remission, and send her home for awhile, or if they need to do another round. Meanwhile, they are hoping that her blood levels will build up so she could stand another round of chemo.

The thing that troubles me is that none of the function in her legs and arms have come back. When we first entered the Huntsman Cancer center a little over 3 weeks ago, the doctors felt confident that once the chemo started killing the cancer cells that were attacking her central nervous system, that she would regain the use of her limbs…but hardly any change so far."

Sept 26th: "Every day is an emotional rollercoaster ride here. Generally, in the morning she is pretty alert, and I have some hope that she is going to get better. Then it goes down from there.

Some days she sleeps the entire day, and we are unable to even rouse her. Other days, like yesterday, she was alert the entire day.

However, she has now developed encephalopathy, which the neurologists call “a slowing of the brain.” On Monday the neurologists performed an EEG to confirm this. What does that mean? Basically it means she has some brain damage caused either by the leukemia in the spinal fluid circulating throughout her brain, or bleeding in the brain when her platelets were so low.

To give you some examples of what is happening; sometimes when I ask her a question she will just stare at me. I’m not sure if she understands the question and doesn’t know how to reply, or just doesn’t comprehend what I am saying. Or, sometimes, I will ask a question and she will slowly start to make a short reply, only to stop midsentence, and be unable to finish. It also means she has short-term memory loss--which is good when I’m trying to feed her something she doesn’t like. I will put a spoon full of something in her mouth, she will wrinkle her face and say, “disgusting” or “gross.” But she will swallow it. If I try to immediately put another spoonful in, she will reject it and refuse to eat it, but if I wait two minutes and put the spoon to her mouth, she will open and take it…and repeat the same expressions. And thus the cycle goes until I have finished feeding her. It also means that she no longer has control of her bowels. The nurses keep a “brief” on her 24/7 now.

The doctors are hopeful this condition will reverse when the leukemia is in remission…but cannot promise anything.

She is also running a fever almost every day now. Because her white blood cells are so low, they are giving her constant infusions of antibiotics and anti-fungal medications, hoping they can keep her from getting any infections until her counts go back up.

On the good side, her bone marrow is starting to come alive again. Her platelet (what makes your blood clot) levels are up, as well as her red blood cell production. As soon as the white blood count starts coming back they will do a bone marrow biopsy to see if there is any evidence of leukemia. They say that doesn’t mean the cancer is gone, it just means they can’t see it. They said they will most likely want to do another round of the chemotherapy through her veins. Meanwhile, they continue to give her injections through the port in her brain.

So…I asked the doctors today how much longer they thought she would be here. They said, “weeks.” They don’t really know.

Our six children and I have had some frank discussions about the future. I believe we are at peace at letting the Lord’s will be done. If she dies, we know that her spirit will continue to influence her children and grandchildren. I have also felt impressed that we need to let “the Lord’s timing be done” also. I don’t know why this is happening. It is probably just the natural course of how this imperfect, mortal world works. People get sick; we were never meant to live forever. Sometimes those sicknesses are just the Lord’s way of bringing his children back home.

What I’m trying to say is, I’m not sure our prayers should be for Vickie to get better. I have received some impressions from the Holy Ghost that that probably won’t happen. I’m now pleading with the Lord that she will not be in pain too much longer…and for His timing to be done."

Sept 29th: "The doctors had a long and frank discussion with Vickie and me this morning. I was fortunate to have my youngest daughter, Katie, by my side. The bottom line is…we are bringing her home for hospice care in a few days.

I arrived at the hospital (from my room at the Huntsman Cancer Apartments) about 7:00 am. Vickie was awake. She is pretty mentally alert first thing in the morning, so we were able to converse for a few minutes before the nurses came in.

She said, “I just want to scream.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore!”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to go home.”

Katie arrived a little later and had a similar conversation with her mother.

The team of doctors came in about 10:15 am and spent about 45 minutes with us. Vickie slept through most of it, but towards the end she woke and repeated to the doctors that she wanted to go home. She didn’t want to prolong the inevitable.

Here is a summary of what the doctors told Katie and me:

The preliminary results of the bone marrow biopsy taken on Thursday showed that the first round of chemotherapy through her veins had done its job. They couldn’t “see” any cancer cells. This is normal. However, doctors know it is not really gone and will come back. That’s why they usually do several more rounds of chemotherapy. However, Vickie is so weak from her neuropathy and the first round of chemo, that they wouldn’t even recommend doing it. Plus, because of a genetic mutation in her bone marrow predisposing her to leukemia, she would need a bone marrow transplant on top of that. But the doctors said they couldn’t do it anyway with her neuropathy.

A “normal” leukemia patient has about a 40% five-year survival rate. The doctors confirmed what we already knew, that Vickie’s case is far from normal…the leukemia is not just in her blood, it is also in her spinal fluid. Most doctors at this hospital have never seen that.

So, as I told you before, the doctors have also been shooting chemotherapy through a “port” in her brain. Before they put the chemo in, they withdraw a sample of spinal fluid and analyze it. Yesterday’s sample showed that the white blood cells had increased dramatically from the week before. A normal person has a 0-5 white blood cell count. Last week Vickie’s was 24. Yesterday it was 179. This is probably why Vickie has been running a pretty high fever every day this past week. And why her mental confusion continues. Her headaches are also increasing every day.

The doctors finally came straight with me that her prognosis is not good. When you combine normal leukemia with what is happening in her brain…there is little hope.

We made the decision to honor Vickie’s request to go home. There is little we could do over the weekend, so on Monday we will call and set up hospice and make all the arrangements needed. Hopefully, Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning we will get her back to Cedar City.

Katie asked the doctors the big question, “How long?” The doctors said, “With her fever, it could be days, or she could rally and last several weeks. Eventually though, the leukemia will come back with a vengeance.”

The doctors promised that they would arrange to make her as comfortable as possible until her passing.

Thank you for all your love, support, concern, emails, phone calls, etc. etc. It has made going through this experience so much easier.

With Love, Jon

P.S. I asked Katie to review this for accuracy before I sent it. She thought I ought to add that Vickie understands what “going home” means. In fact in delaying a day to send this, Vickie and I had a tender conversation about that this morning. She knows she is going to die and is not afraid to go."

Oct 1st: Back to me narrating.

Insurance wouldn't cover an ambulance to bring my mom home to Cedar City from Salt Lake and my dad knew she would be miserable being strapped to a gurney for 4 hours anyway. So my little brother Daniel flew up to Salt Lake and my dad made a bed for my mom in the back of their van. He stayed back there and took care of her while my brother drove. They got home safely where hospice was there waiting with a hospital bed ready. 

Oct 2nd-11th:The days at home were not much easier than the hospital. My mom was in a lot of pain and  was not lucid all of the time. Her short term memory was not very acute so she would wake up and be very agitated that we wouldn't let her out of her hospital bed. She wasn't able to walk and it was painful for her to sit. We'd try to explain that to her and she wouldn't understand. But she also had her very tender moments. She was able to see all of her children, grandchildren, mother and siblings and talk to them all.  Unfortunately for most of the time she was home; me, Steve and Spencer were sick. I was afraid, because of her low immune system, to be near her too much, but towards the end, and especially after she had seen all of her family, I started coming over anyway. 

Our last conversation about Spencer: Spencer was in the next room playing and she heard him cough. 

Mom: "What's wrong with Spencer."

Me: "He's just getting a little cough."

Mom: "You should go hold him. He needs love, cause he's a special boy."

My last conversation with my mom was hard. There was so much I wanted I say and so much I wanted her to say. But by this time it was really hard for her to communicate. And it's a lot harder than I thought it would be to say goodbye to someone I loved so much. Every time I'd try to say anything I usually just started crying. So my last conversation with mom was short and sweet:

Me: "I love you mom."

Mom: I love you too."

Me: "I want you to know that you're my best friend."

Mom: "Dido."

Oct. 11th: My mom's last words (spoken to my dad): "I know I'm going to die. I'm not afraid."

I got a call from my dad about 10pm on Oct. 11th. My mom was gone. I came over and stayed with him, my sister-in-law, my grandma and our Bishop (who came over when he heard the news) until after midnight. Hospice came and washed and dressed her before the mortuary came to take her. There was a very peaceful feeling in the house. It was almost as if you could still feel her spirit in the house, comforting us. 

Today Oct. 14th:  I am 2 weeks away from the due date. I am almost over my cold. My next post will be after my mom's funeral on Saturday and will hopefully be a happier one. I'm going to talk about happy memories of my mom and what I'll remember and love about her the most. For right now I want anyone that reads this to know that I absolutely know that families can be together forever. My mom's spirit still lives and I will see her again. 

30th Birthday

Steve had his 30th Birthday!!!!

Earlier this year he bought a big, nice (expensive) surround sound system for our t.v., so that was his Father's day, anniversary, birthday and Christmas present. We didn't want him to go without something so Spencer and I did a lot of little gifts for his birthday. Spencer and I let him sleep in until 10am for his first present. Then I went and told Spencer we need to go wake up dad and wish him Happy Birthday. Spencer said, "Wait!!" and ran in his room and got his sand bucket and put his package of diapers in it and said that was daddy's present. "Ooooo-k" I said. We went in and with a big smile Spencer gave Steve the bucket and said "Huckle Berry!" At least that's what it sounded like. He was trying to say Happy Birthday. He knows how to say Happy, birth, and day but for some reason when he puts them altogether it sounds like 'huckle berry'.

Later we gave Steve a yummy fruit drink we bought the day before while we let him relax and do whatever he wanted during the day. Then we made his favorite dinner, Fettuccine Alfredo, and a birthday cake. Spencer posed after we were done making the cake. Spencer's new thing when we take out the camera and ask him to smile is to fold his arms and give the cheesiest grin in the world. He does it every time we take a picture. See below:

Steve decided to copy the pose...

We let Spencer lick the candles but he got confused and thought they were candy so instead of just licking, he bit off the piece with frosting on it and chewed and swallowed it before we could get him to spit it out. Gross.

Steve's birthday would have ended nicely but at about 8:30pm Steve realized that he was confused on the due date of one of his english papers and it was due the night before. In a stress filled panic Steve finished it and turned it in and then wrote an email to his professor begging her to accept it a day late. The bad news: Birthday ended on a sour note. Good news: The professor accepted it with full marks. Happy Birthday Steve!

4th of July 2012

My mom has been in the hospital for several weeks now. They still aren't 100% sure what is wrong with her but they think she had a major virus that shut down parts of her nervous system. She is in a rehab center right now trying to regain movement and mobility in her legs and hands. Over 4th of July she was still in the hospital so we packed a big picnic lunch and set up camp in the hospital pavilion. Everyone but Jamen and Scott were able to make it. We missed them, but it's always nice to get together with who you can when you can.

There was a couple of these water features. We were yelling at the kids to stay out of them for 40 minutes straight, but eventually gave up and just let them soak their feet.

We surprised mom with a tablet. She can't type or write or hold books or anything right now so this will help keep her entertained and stay in touch. She was very surprised. She said she'll have no idea how to work it but we assured her we'd help her out.

After the picnic we went swimming. I forgot Spencer's life jacket so I had to hold him the whole time. He doesn't realize he can't swim so there were a couple scary moments when he ran to the deep end and jumped in. It wasn't a very big pool though and it was only our family there so luckily someone would get to him within a few seconds. In the picture below you will see Spencer with a squirt gun. He figured out how to do it by himself and he loved. Much to the chagrin of everyone else.

After a pizza dinner we did poppers and sparklers at Amber's house. Then we drove home to Cedar and were able to see the fireworks as we drove into town from the freeway. It was a great 4th.

Tuckered out

Spencer sometimes refuses to take naps but can't last the whole day. He likes to be around people so sometimes he'll come into whatever room Steve or I are in and fall asleep somewhere. This day we were in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner. He got one boot on and part of his lion costume before he hit the floor drooling.

News!

We are expecting another little boy October 30th.

Steve was very relieved. He admitted to me right before we went into the ultrasound that he was scared to have a girl because he didn't know how to do girls. I felt the same way. So we were really happy when we saw it was a boy.

Spencer was supposed to be holding this shirt for his new baby brother to help announce the news, but he didn't want to. So we just stuck it to him and took the picture.